Where Does Time Go??

Yikes! I can't believe I haven't posted anything here since August. Life has a way of getting away from a person, doesn't it!


Kenzie and Ashley are nicely settled in to their new home. There have been a few bumps along the road but overall, nothing we, and they, haven't been able to handle. Most of the things have been house related - a broken down dishwasher that spewed water all over the floor and into the basement was the latest.


Meals continue to be a struggle as there haven't been any meal-bee's planned. I sent out an email to see if some from her circle that had previously expressed an interest would be willing to put into action what they had talked about. Unfortunately, I received no response so I think I will have to work on setting something else up.


To be really honest, the whole "village" thing hasn't been working as well as I had hoped. The diabetes education portion worked great and my friend stepped up and helped immensely. Another friend stepped in and took on the financial end of things. But as for any of the social, physical or spiritual support, it has pretty much been non-existent - none of the stuff people said they would do has come to fruition.


We will be facing a scheduling challenge in the new year as Ashley's courses change at the University. We have been very fortunate that the store where Kenzie works has been quite flexible and I am hoping that continues. Either that, or I am going to have to start putting some screws to the County about providing appropriate transportation so she can have more independence. I don't like the idea that her work schedule gets changed every time Ashley's does just because there is not a proper transportation system here in town.


That is the quick and the dirty update. If you have any questions, please post some in the comment section - maybe that will help me not neglect this blog lol!

Long Weekend Cookfest

Had lots of fun this long weekend. It was our weekend to have Kenzie at our house and we made good use of it. I have found that rather than losing a daughter, I have gained one more - her roommate! 


Although Ashley spent the nights at their house, she also spent a lot of time with us. I was able to borrow some books from her, and she got to meet the rest of my family via an impromptu lunch. I think my brother was suitably impressed with her level of geekiness!


We also managed to get about 10 casseroles made and frozen. We tried out a recipe for Beef and Corn casserole, curried rice and Shepherds pie. That should keep the girls fed for a few days! They are struggling with keeping their grocery bills down and to eat healthy. This cookfest was my attempt to help. That and we will probably be doing Costco trips in the future. Turns out for all Ashley's brilliance, she can't boil water without burning it. I'm making it my mission to strengthen this weakness and make a Betty Crocker out of her. Or, to use a language she may recognize "You will assimilate, resistance is futile."

19 Days

Well, it has been 19 days since the little birdie flew the coop. Or the nest. I have been very pleased with how well things have gone so far. The girls are settling in nicely, (almost) everything has been unpacked and a routine seems to be established.


I think having the girls start living together a couple of months before school starts again was a very good thing. It will give them time to get a routine going, understand each other and develop some comfort.


The only glitch we have encountered so far is one that I am not quite sure how to report on. I want to respect Kenzie's privacy enough that everything is not splashed all over the internet, but I also don't want any parents reading this to think that everything is perfect.


So, for now, I will just say that we have had to do some educating and boundary setting for Kenzie in regards to visitors, boys and roommates. Hmmmmm.... wait a minute..... I guess that isn't so unusual for someone freshly out on their own, is it? 

Who Am I

I asked Kenzie's roommate, Ashley, to put down some of her thoughts on her new living arrangement and how she feels about becoming a supportive roommate. Here they are: 

Name: Ashley


About Me: I am a firefighter, pointe ballet dancer and computer geek


About My Family: I am the oldest of three kids. My brother has many medical conditions including Aspergers and OCD.


Why I Would Do This: 
Reason #1 - I love Kenzie
Reason #2 - I love being involved in improving someone else's life.
Reason #3 - I love the responsibility and knowing that I am challenging myself.

This "job" gives me cheap rent, an amazing roommate and a great support system. I love knowing that people care for both Kenzie and I.


ps: just throwing it out there that this is the best "job" ever! I love Kenzie.

It is Finished.

Well, the deed has been done. She has moved. Boxes are unpacked – for the most part – and bed made. We got groceries for the cupboards and the coffee pot is set up on the counter. She is in her element. And Mum? She has no idea how to identify the feels that are whirling around inside her.

I was over at the house helping put things away. At one point I noticed that Kenzie was getting a bit irritated with me. Apparently, I was being a bit too much of a “Mum” for her comfort. That is when I decided it was time to leave and let them set up the rest of the house themselves. Most of the work had been done, we were just down to the spare parts and trying to figure out where the odds and ends belonged.

I left them with directions on when Kenzie needed to eat next and what time she should get up and have breakfast in the morning. The girls dropped me at home and went off on their merry way.

Since then, I have been feeling this whirling sense of being unsettled. I feel guilty. I feel a bit lost. I don’t think I feel anxious or worried. Just out of sorts.

Guilty

I think I feel guilty because someone else is taking care of Kenzie. It has been my job for a long time and now to have someone who isn’t her father or her brothers being responsible for her seems… imposing somehow. I feel like I have dumped her on someone. I know that isn’t logical, but there it is.

Lost

Eighteen years of taking care of someone takes a lot of energy. Planning their meals, counting carbs, figuring out insulin, planning outings – these things all take time and effort. Now I am at home without her. I know I still have a lot of work to do to get things going, such as explaining her schedule to Ashley, figuring out logistics and everything but right now, in this moment, she isn’t my responsibility. Now what?

Anxious or Worried

It might seem odd to some people, but I rarely feel anxious or worried about Kenzie. At least, not in the general, what happens if, kind of way. I save my worrying for the more tangible things. Somehow, deep down, I have peace knowing she is going to be just fine. I trust Ashley’s judgment and I know Kenzie has a high level of independence.

Something else might surprise you. Even with her room looking clean and bare, I haven’t cried once. At least, not yet.

Oh, and I am trying really hard to refrain for texting them to see what they are doing.

Prom Night

When Kenzie was young, I hung out with a group of Moms who also had kids with down syndrome. We spent a lot of time talking about our hopes and dreams for our children and trying to imagine their future.

Last night was Mackenzie's prom. After all the excitement was over and I was laying in bed  last night, I realized that all my hopes and dreams for this evening had come true.

She experienced all the excitement, celebration and love that every graduate should feel on such an evening. She looked and felt like a princess, she was surrounded by people who were proud of her and celebrated her achievements. There was romance in the air and a protective father (or two) hovering nearby.

The day began with a trip to the salon where she underwent a transformation that all women dream about. Her hair was sprayed, curled, twisted and pinned into her crowning glory. Her makeup was perfect. When she got home and slipped into her dress, shoes and earrings, she was more than ready!

Oh but wait! we almost forgot one thing...

Now we are ready!

A limousine ride had been arranged by one of the parents. This included taking a group of kids down to the legislative grounds for pictures and then a cruise up and down Whyte Avenue for the traditional honking and waving that grads like to do in this town.

Us parents met the graduates at the convention centre for the official start. All the kids looked wonderful - so happy, excited and proud. We parents alternated between looking proud and a bit stunned!

Kenzie couldn't wait for her Dad to show up. There is something in every little girl that seeks her fathers approval and love. Well, he showed up, and she got it. He kept telling her how beautiful she looked and how proud he was of her. Even when she wasn't around he said he loved her dress and that it was absolutely stunning and perfect for her. Every picture of them together shows the pride on his face, and no more so than the first dance when grads danced with their parent.

Of course, dancing with your parent is exciting. Thrilling even. But nothing, and I mean nothing, beats dancing with a young man. A young man your parents said would have to wait for you until you graduated. A young man you are not allowed to date until you are 18. A young man who has been telling you how pretty you are. A young man who makes you feel all twitterpated.


Oh yeah. Dad? Dad Who?

Of course, that was not the last dance of the evening. Not by far. There were fast dances, slow dances, robot dances, group dances and slow dances to fast music. Whether dancing with her beau or with a group of friends, she didn't want to stop.


One of the highlights for me was when the night was almost over. Her friend had left and so had most of the attendees. A few clusters of dancing groups were left on the dance floor. She had come to sit with us and rest. Then, the Village People started to sing YMCA. She popped up from her seat and without a word to us, headed out to the dance floor by herself. We laughed and commented that she didn't need anyone to dance with to have fun. Before she had been out there a moment or two, a guy from one of the groups came over to her and started dancing and showing her how to do the YMCA hand signals. After the dance was over, he bent down, gave her a hug and disappeared. Another song started and a group of girls pulled Kenzie into their circle and she continued dancing.

The ease and self-confidence my daughter displays astounds me. I'm sure that when I was her age, I didn't have it as together as she does!

Year ago, I wished for happiness, acceptance and as normal a life as possible for my beautiful baby girl. Last night I watched a fairytale come to life.

Anxiety Dreams and a Building Bedroom Suite

I had a very odd dream last night. I dreamt the sun exploded, the wind started to blow and it went completely dark. Kenzie was with her Grandpa and they came into the house to find me.  Kenzie then said "Jesus said I have to go now and see the world" and then she very happily took off skipping down the road, onto a dock & got on a ship with some girl. I asked her about her diabetes and she said "don't worry, I have all I need in my backpack". Then I woke up. Hmmmmm... anxiety dream yah think? lol!


Kenzie was over at the house today helping her big brother put together her new bedroom suite. 

She is such a carpenter - check out her hammering skills.....